Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant
nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins
weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies
while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither
from Guinea nor is it a pig. If the plural of tooth is
teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose,
2 meese?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise
guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot
and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold
as hell another?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can
burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in
which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity
of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when
the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are
invisible.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Why do they tell you to get on the plane, when every one goes in?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
 

Why do they say "the drinks are on the house" and no one never goes to the roof?

Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

If the goal in flying is to get there safely, why is your destination called a "terminal"?

If pro is the opposite of con, then does that mean the opposite of progress is congress?

Why are stores still called 7-11 if they are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year?

Why is the word abbreviation so long?

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

They were too close to the door to close it

If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row the boats in a row.

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?